I wanted kisses
but you wouldn't part the petals.
I wanted touch
but you wouldn't share the sun.

I wanted depth
but you wouldn't sail my ocean.
I wanted devotion
but you wouldn't share the burden.

I wanted real
but you wouldn't distance the delusions.
I wanted right
but you wouldn't reason the lie.

I wanted love
but you wouldn't light my fire
I wanted you
but you wouldn't cross the border

Im exhausted with emotions
drifting away into the emptiness
the coldness numbs me to the bone
Its getting darker
and this strange sense of serenity
washes me over




You were my white lily
oh sweet flower ,
in the garden of weeds
that I built around the
hollow of my soul.
And with the light
of your blossom,
you enfolded me
in your velvet love.

The thought of lips
that ignite warmth
and deeply effective passion
delights,forgets,
loves more and is reborn
As many times
as my mind wanders
the greatest breath taken
is the one soon exhaled..
Now impaled in
the thralls of passion
this wisp of romance
a chance taken
a glass tipped
wine sipped on lips
that drip.

Down upon my knees
I pray for release.
For many years
Ive dwelled in the darkness
The reason for this hell
I cannot see,
How one can be denied
when all have sinned.
The jaws of sorrow
will not let me go,
When paranoia's voice
I cannot tame.
Neither noise nor silence
help to supress my pain.
The voices play on ,
either one the same.
What in this life
does love gain ?
For taking beauty's face
to grow such shame?
To rediscover life once more
and give,
Though broken is my spirit,
I must live.

Fall for a heart without a sin
For a soul without emotion
My memories are lost within
A sea full of devotion
Take care of my lost leaves
Of the things I held so close
Before my life has ended here
Buried under a black rose
I touch your wings which seem so close
But fall to the ground from which you rose
I see my fall in your clear eyes
As my hand touches yours -
it dies.



in my own ashes
i am standing without a soul

There's so much to say
Yet nothing at all
I'll never forget
That look in your eyes
You wanted to hurt me
Were supposed to protect me
I was so young, innocent
You stole that from me
Before I could throw it away
I never got the chance
To know a man as a father
You were clouded with perversion
Sickened and weak, weakening me
Beating me unmercilessly gave you power
You could never have in life
I'll never forget
That look in your eyes
I wonder now if you hated me
Did you hate me from birth?
Did you ever catch a glimpse
Of the madness in your eyes
Did you even know
How much of me you killed
When you brought me to life?
Now I know all about you
You're incapable of love
You are the coldness inside of me
The part of me that doesn't care
The part of me that I must fear
Memories fade slowly,
but my scars remain
To remind me that I survived the pain.



Inspired by Green Carnation - The Boy In The Attic

A blessing from below,
born a sweet child like foretold
Could it the boy that
I used to be
Oh, father please forgive me
if I`ve done you wrong
For how long
will you let me suffer all alone
Father! Please!
A father`s touch,
a beating one too much
Hiding in the closet
waiting for him to sleep
What others saw of me,
was what dad wanted them to see
Father! Please!
I want to taste the free,
like nothing ever used to be
I want to taste what is mine
Am I evil, could it be,
that I am the one they fear
Look at me,
I am the sweetest one you`ll ever see
I made it through the old
into a brand new life
No more hiding in the closet,
waiting for him to sleep
Into the shadows of old
Strange memories of time gone
I was never rightfully yours
Storys like mine,
that were never told
Out of the window feeling free
That is how I killed me...

Sitting , painting,
Constant meditating.
My mind's a canvas,
Of surrealistic thoughts .
Colors weave ,
Upon stained glass.
Angels reflect ,
The mood of soul.
Their light fills ,
My minds darkest hole.
My glass house,
Is about to shatter.
Will the angels ,
Bleed for me,
Yet again?

Daylight left without a word
and i felt twilights kiss ,
gently upon my lips.
Spectrums of dying shades
danced around me ,
beckoning me to follow.


Come light up my dreams
with your jewelled smile.
Linger here a while longer ,
be with me in my sleep.
Return me the sun ,
for it is growing dark ,
and im bleeding dry
from this open wound.


The flowers withered away,
a grand beauty turned to dust,
under the wings of death .
Winter raged on like legion ,
all around the grey of despair.
All my fallen memories bleak ,
the untold shadows have awakened.


Come light up my dream ,
let your moonlight shine upon me.
Save me from the fruit of darkness,
fed with sorrows dew.
Return me from the ashes ,
be with me one last time ,
before im gone for good .




D:

Alone in the far corner,
of a world of dreams.
I listened to the whispers ,
of sweet memories with wings.
Fluttering with a soothing rhythm,
sliding through this cool breeze ,
i soar above it all .
Shadows of the past trailing behind ,
i journey across everlasting time.
Whilst somewhere far below ,
the world passes by silently.
But the end has come too soon ,
and im left alone in tears.
There are too many wounds,
that may never heal.
But before its too late ,
i must show u what is real ,
that i love you. ~~

Have you wondered why the wind
Blows cold
Did you ever realise that your face
Is painted on my soul
Out of your wings of success
The long fall from frace
Right between the eyes you bleed
Your heart you sold for stones

Falling, breaking,
my energy you're taking,
leave me alone
I'm fucking shaking,
Can't you see my heart is breaking?

Words of hate you spew at me,
all you care is no one else sees,
you bitch you rage you whine no heed,
killing my spirit and my soul it bleeds.

I don't know how more I can take of you,
while leaving me alone would be the best thing you could do,
boundaries not just crossed but barged through,
your on shaky ground and you know it's true.

How dare you criticize my ways?
And cry that it's your special day?
you had a choice,
you did it anyway,
forget my pain,
you've had your say.

All I know is I am breaking,
and there is not much time left for changing,
things will evolve or because I can't take it,
the way things are,
we'll never make it.

Im so sorry
I just need to get this off my chest
Thank you so much for caring for me
And I regret having treated you
Like that
I was a fool
I didnt know what was
Right in front of me
And it eats me from the inside
Thinking of
How you must have felt
Pouring your heart out
And I just took it
And tore it apart
I dont know how many
TimesI can say Im sorry
I know that you can never forgive me
And that’s okay
I just need you to know
That Im apologizing
And every night i sleep
I will always think of you
And my all my teardrops
Cannot erase the pain
I caused
Salty water runs down my cheeks
And onto the ground
Where I put you
I am so sorry
I am so sorry

as the dawn begins
my darkness retreats
it fears the light
can the end be near?

i always await a new day
hoping that it will be better
than the last
yet the pain still resides
deep in the trenches of my soul

my mind feels at war with itself
i am the constant casuality
i have my victories
but they seem so miniscule

sometimes the easy way out
is just an excuse
other times
a friend reminds me of why
i must exist

you
and you alone
will forge the path
leave your sorrows with the past
never believe
that the story is set
nothing is destined
or blatant
bound to this body
a world full of hatred
no one will cry
if you fall

silently we wander
through this plains
so many hopes were lost here
im trying hard to find
take another look
will we see the shape of tomorrow?

on the edge of paradise
with a stinging poison
coursing through my veins

life was just a dream
im losing my religion
trying to find my existence
it doesnt only hurt
to end this road
my funeral
beneath the dust of years
just hoping
for the fire to come alive
and free me
its getting colder
im growing older
enough is enough
theres only this much i can take
nothing left remains
all the battles
and all the tears we tasted
all the passion
and all the love we wasted
theres nothing left


and i smile
and i learn to pretend
my heart will never be open again

Dancing in the night
intoxicating beauty
Walking in the clouds
drunk with desire
Whispering words in the wind
longing for a kiss
Staring out in the darkness
hoping for completion
Finding the fire in you
stolen from desire
Time stands motionless
While worlds pass by
Shh! just kiss me


heres one for u : D

I waste hours
Of passing time
Wonder if your heart
Feels the same as mine
The love loss
The love felt
The pain delivered
From fates hand dealt

I fade away further
Into the future of emptiness
I live alive
In the blinding darkness
Knowing little
Except what was true
That nothing is purer
Than the love I felt for you

I am not alone
I know you feel me too
After all I have done
To make sure I scar you

Hearts and minds,
find the time
That in the end there was no possible reason
for anything



silent cries unheard
no one seems to understand.

im
sinking
into
depression ,
with no one to hold my hand

they slitthered in through your fingers
fate , your life in their hands
untold storms brewing
of no emotions!
when all is gone
take away the life i had
there is a place for every soul
a haven to lose control

flowers are falling
invisible lies
your stolen thoughts
begone!
silent cries
when all u sought is gone

the flame burns deep
the nature of death a mystery
your life in white is draining into this black hole
the million stars your witnesses
as life takes its leave

Its a struggle
Each failure deepening the wound
And then it all crashes down on me
Will you stay or try to leave?

Im thinking to stride past the door
But fear pins me down
Sinking in despair
I pray that it passes soon

A cruel misfortune
Forbidding is to see
When two worlds collide
Its a sad state of mind

And my hearts beats for the very last time
Still the search for peace i cannot find